Love on Janusworx

No Love Is Wasted

feedback@janusworx.com (Mario Jason Braganza) — Sat, 13 Apr 2024 11:51:17 +0530

I’m almost 50, and here is the best thing I have learned so far:
every strange thing you’ve ever been into,
every failed hobby or forgotten instrument,
everything you have ever learned will come back to you,
will serve you when you need it.

No love, however brief, is wasted.

(I’d add every act of kindness,random or otherwise, to that list.)

On Things That Last

feedback@janusworx.com (Mario Jason Braganza) — Fri, 31 Mar 2023 20:33:23 +0530

Just something that kept coming to mind today.

I met an old friend the other day. We’d fallen out of touch and gone our separate ways.
We were both gifted watches by another friend of ours at the time.
And they pointed out to me, I was still wearing the same watch.

I gently pointed out to them, that this watch was a different one, something the better half gifted me just after we got married. This is a white dial, see. The old one was blue. And then we moved on to other things.

What I didn’t tell them, was that I still have the old one.
It’s battered.
It’s scratched.
It works.
It keeps perfect time.
It’s beautiful.¹

I didn’t tell them, because I imagine, they probably wanted me to remember the times we were together, fondly. Because I imagine, they think I’d get all dewey eyed over friendships long lost.

And that’s not why I have it around at all.
It was my companion through the worst years of my life.
When I was lost, at sea and barely keeping my head above water.
When I was nursing my brutally broken heart, which then got broken again. And again.
When I had no money, and no friends.
When I was thinking of the futility of going through one more day.
That’s when I’d strap it on. And go live one more day.
I have it, because it reminds me of my resilience.
I have it, because it reminds, I decided to live.

Strange that a thing has lasted longer than my friendships.
Not so strange, when I realise that it’s no longer a gift.
It’s imbued with the echoes and memories of decades of my life. Those that I chose to live.
It’s not just mine. It’s me.

P.S. If the blue is for resilience, the white is for joy.

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in a very wabi-sabi-esque way ↩︎

You Make Me Feel, So Beautiful!

feedback@janusworx.com (Mario Jason Braganza) — Mon, 17 Feb 2020 05:45:00 +0530

In the silent forest, somewher in Meghalaya

I have lost my illusions, I have drowned in your words
I have left my confusion to a cynical world
I am throwing myself at things I don’t understand
Discover enlightenment holding your hand

You are …
So beautiful!

76 & 40

feedback@janusworx.com (Mario Jason Braganza) — Mon, 03 Sep 2018 19:12:00 +0530

This birthday is my first without Daddy.
And so this post today, because I want these words out of my head and heart, before they overwhelm me.

Dad & I have birthdays immediately following each other (the 25th & 26th.)
All my birthday memories are inextricably linked with him.
Him being indulgent with his firstborn.
Him holding me close and sharing his cake with me as I grew.
Him taking care of me and letting me crawl into his lap to say our prayers on cold mornings in our small drafty house.
Him being patient with me during my crazy headed years.
And always waiting for me, for our shared birthday cake.
Me loving the fact that I could share my cake with him as I grew.
That I could take care of him, like he did me.
That I was a sterner dad to him, than he ever was to me.

And now for the first time, in 40 years, I do not have a hand holding mine and I feel utterly bereft.
While the Bible and the Stoics remind me that dust indeed I am, I’ll forever be indebted to God, that my father was my rock.

Daily Writing, 77

feedback@janusworx.com (Mario Jason Braganza) — Mon, 03 Sep 2018 19:09:57 +0530

The new table goes on for miles and miles :)

Thank you mummy! From me and my broken back :)

Happy Mother’s Day, Mummy!

feedback@janusworx.com (Mario Jason Braganza) — Mon, 03 Sep 2018 15:53:50 +0530

A day late, but Happy Mother’s day Mummy!
Aunty L made me forget yesterday :)
Better late than never though!

I could not have asked God for a better mummy than you!
We love you for all you are and all you do!

Portraits – Pooja – 2

feedback@janusworx.com (Mario Jason Braganza) — Mon, 03 Sep 2018 14:40:05 +0530

“One day the sun admitted
I am just a shadow.
I wish I could show you
The infinite incandescence
That has cast my brilliant image!
I wish I could show you,
When you are lonely or in darkness,
The Astonishing Light
Of your own Being!”

— Hafiz

Seven Years

feedback@janusworx.com (Mario Jason Braganza) — Mon, 03 Sep 2018 14:36:58 +0530

Randall Munroe posted this yesterday¹ methinks, or the day before.

And I immediately cried.²

When Abby was diagnosed with cervical cancer two years ago, the docs said we should be grateful, she had the non life threatening kind.
Even so, the last two years have been full of ups and downs and lots of uncertainty.
(We’ll be at the “How long does it take to read a scan?” stage again soon as we checkup after two years)

I think I understand a little of what Becky & Kate are going through, having gone through some of it ourselves.
And I have no words to express what Becky must be going through or how Kate must be holding up.

All I can do is pray.

If you would, please go help Becky here …

And Abby, 2018? It’s a date!

Today is the 15th of December, 2017. ↩︎
So did Abby, once she read this ↩︎

It’s the Little Things

feedback@janusworx.com (Mario Jason Braganza) — Mon, 03 Sep 2018 14:34:27 +0530

The little things you say
To me, and nobody else
Make me feel good
The little things you say
To me, make me laugh out loud
And not when I should

That’s why
I like to hang out with you
I never can guess
The next mad thing you’ll do
And I like that we’ve made, a mistake or two
Together

— Mikey McCleary, The Little Things You Do