45

The last five years have been, to put it mildly, a bit trying.
I lost my father, my brother, my clients¹, and quite a bit of my sanity.
I lost a lot of weight and then gained it all again.
The career pivot is going slower than expected.
I feel pettily jealous of the bright young minds I mentor, when they go on to accomplish great new things, while I am here, clawing the mud.
There are days, I don’t want to get out of bed at all.

And then I have to remind myself, that all of this could change in an instant.
There was no way I could be sure when I slept yesterday, that I would see the dawn today.
While I crib and cry boohoo at my life, there are folks who struggle physically, mentally, and spiritually a lot more than I do.

Even when I thought my world was falling apart, there were so many things that held my body, mind and soul together.
I stood on a mountain, to touch the clouds.
I’ve walked in mossy green forests.
I stood with my beloved under the stars, as it rained light upon us.
I have my health.
I have my friends, young and old, new and old.
I have my mother and the rest of my family.
I have my long suffering, better half. The one who makes life worth living. My rock. My anchor. The one who makes me whole.
I’m surrounded by warmth and love.
I remain blessed.

And so, I remain doggedly, carpe diem-ly, persistent.
I remain grateful.
I will do my best to, as May Swenson² puts it,

Enter each day
as upon a stage
lighted and waiting
for your step

Crave upward as flame
have keenness in the nostril
Give your eyes
to agony or rapture

and to …

Take earth for your own large room
and the floor of the earth
carpeted with sunlight
and hung round with silver wind
for your dancing place